Saturday, August 25, 2012

This Blog Is My Defense

     Thank you to all the readers of this blog!
     I have had no capacity for defense, except this blog.  My lawyers--and their many colleagues, whom I have petitioned for help--have told me repeatedly that they are unable to communicate with the government, not even to find out why its agents raided my office, nor why they drained my bank accounts, nor what it is they think might be "criminal" about the management of my medical office.
     I continue to practice as I have always practiced medicine.  I bill insurance companies in the same way I have done for 13 years.  I purchase supplies for use in my office if they will get patients well, and  are affordable.  If the government "knows" enough to have punished me already for "criminal" acts (and it must, right?--or a judge wouldn't have been prompted by the FBI to take extreme action against me)--if the government knows I'm perpetrating criminal acts, why does it allow me to continue?  Why doesn't the prosecutor show his hand?  
     Those of you who are reading my blog are acting as benevolent witnesses to whatever action the government takes in my so-called case.  I can think of no stronger support:  silence begets corruption;  visibility forces honesty.  I will not back down in an ignominy compelled by our government--which has granted itself monumental powers (where were all of us when that happened?  hypnotized?)--because I have nothing to hide.  If I had committed some misdeed against my patients, or insurance giants, or the government--I might wish to make a payoff (more euphemistically referred to as a "settlement") to the feds, to keep a lid on my secrets.  They could then tally this up with the rest of their plea-bargaining booty, boasting about the spoils taken from doctors committing "fraud."  But I would consider this a form of extortion.  I want the prosecutor to come forward with his case, and I want to prove my innocence, and the government's wrongdoing.
     I am outraged.  I want my life back.  My entire world and my profession have been dominated by this "case."  I am unable to pursue my aspiration to develop an autism farm, or to run my clinic with enthusiasm.  My opinion and point of view, outside this blog, have been attenuated by the fact of the government's attack, which hovers like a dark cloud over my head.  Even my own son, yesterday, said to me, when I offered him advice about a touchy personal problem:  "Why should I listen to you?  You're under investigation by the government.  Your judgment is questionable."  He knows better, and was being impudent, but it was his trump card, a convenient escape.
     How many of my patients harbor doubts about my qualifications?  How many people question my integrity--in the unspoken, niggling ways suspicions creep into one's human interactions?  What about the patients for whom the success  of my medical care depends on their complete confidence in my credibility?
    There can be no worse punishment for a small-town doctor than this.  But for what am I being punished?  And why is our government unimpeachable?  How can its agents sit smugly in their cocooned offices--except when they're "fighting crime"-- confident of their jobs, protected by statutes that allow them to hold my assets indefinitely, and to ruin my professional life?
     Yes, I can continue to practice medicine.  But I am not the same person.
     Thank you, readers, for helping me to feel as though I have an audience to witness my despair.  I remember reading (in Victor Frankl?) that when a prisoner is being tortured in solitary confinement, with unconscionable cruelty--if that victim, in his misery, believes that at least one human being knows and cares about what is happening to him, the suffering becomes bearable--and he is likely to survive.  The 10,000 readers who have logged onto my posts give me a measure of hope.
     This blog is my life vest.  It is my mouthpiece. The government is being mirrored here, and I have a lens to reflect its deeds--and we are all watching, and waiting.  My readers are my jurors.  This blog is my only defense. 

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