Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Twenty Good Reasons to Fire a Clinic Employee

     It's a crazy world, in business.  Or, as the song goes, people are strange.  In my twenty years of running a clinic, I have had to fire employees for the following.

     1.  A nurse, for injecting a patient's testosterone into himself, as a way of beefing up his physique prior to a weight-lifting competition.
     2.  Not showing up for work three days in a row, and being unavailable by phone or internet--then arriving on Day 4, and saying all the phone lines were broken.
     3.  Doing a google search for another job--using a clinic computer, during clocked-in clinic time time, and ignoring a ringing phone in order to do it.
     4.  Embezzling funds.
     5.  Calling in prescriptions for narcotic pain medicines, and pretending to be the doctor.
     6.  Calling in prescriptions for diet pills for personal use, using the doctor's credentials.
     7.  Writing off deductibles and co-pays in the computer software system, for friends and family.
     8.  Calling in "sick" and going to Disney World with no accrued leave time, and no one to cover the busy work station.
     9.  Injecting the wrong medicine into the medical director, when administering a yearly TB test.
   10.  Snorting cocaine in the public restroom, and leaving behind little bags with white powder for the next person to find.
    11.  Having sex in the surgery room with another employee during working hours, and getting caught.
    12.  Taking prescription medication samples home to family members, without even knowing what they are.
    13.  Coming to work high, then calling a friend to donate a clean urine to substitute on a urine drug screen, when asked to undergo testing.
   14.  Applying for a position with the express purpose of staying only two weeks;  then, not showing up for a week, returning, getting fired, and applying for another two years of unemployment.
   15.  Telling the doctor to go to hell.
   16.  Telling a patient to ignore the doctor's advice, because you have a better idea.
   17.  Not being able to stop wearing perfume to the office.
   18.  Sticking a patient five times to try to get IV access, on account of not wanting to ask for help.
   19.  Forging someone else's name for services or supplies in the office, including a five-year lease agreement for a copy machine.
   20.  Asking a patient out on a date, shortly after assisting with her Pap test.
    

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