Saturday, December 1, 2012

Who Wants My Clinic for Free?

     If you're a nonprofit, and you want my fully stocked clinic, give me a call.
     I'm giving it away for nothing.
     That way, my staff can keep their jobs and our patients will have a medical home.
     Bring your own insurance provider numbers.  You won't be associated with me at all.  In fact, you don't want to be associated with me.  Apparently, I'm toxic.  If you don't believe this, ask the government.  If you're able to reach any real people there, please let me know what they say.
     This is a genuine offer.  It isn't a joke.
     I'm worn out from practicing medicine, because I've been doing it with the well-armed soldiers of big government aiming their rifles at my head.  It's hard to take good care of patients under such circumstances.  I don't want to make any mistakes when it comes to patient care, on account of being distracted by the possibility of getting indicted, handcuffed, and hauled off to jail for...for...well, I don't know what for.
     The United States government has been "investigating" me for two and a half years, and I've been waiting for its agents to give me a single clue about their "findings."
     (Which country are we in?)
     What have I done wrong?  Does anyone in the government know?  Does anyone, anywhere know?
     Don't let my discouragement infect you.
     If you like medicine, and are feeling optimistic about the future, this is your big chance.
     It's a fire sale.  It's better than a fire sale.  The whole place is yours, for the asking.
     There's one caveat:  you have to run it as a medical clinic, and give away the equipment if you close.
     The rent is $4,000/month, the electric bill $1,600, and the six-line telephone $900.  The equipment is paid off, there are no liens, the shelves are generously stocked, and everything works great.
     My employees are wonderful, kind, skilled human beings, and the patients are endlessly fascinating.
     If no one accepts this offer, I'm closing anyway.
     Then, everything in the clinic will be shipped to Guatemala.
     Who knows?  Maybe I'll go to Guatemala, too.

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